


Recollections

by Mordu



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Transgender
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-15 00:23:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7197752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mordu/pseuds/Mordu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Memories of Gabriel Reyes. Features trans!Gabriel. Originally posted to my RP blog Reapurrr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Recollections

　 　 “ Can I see? ”

　 　 The first time Jack asked him, he froze up. Gabriel had never taken off his clothes in front of anyone else before, not even his shirt. He’d always showered apart from the group, and thankfully the rest of them had always respected his privacy. The only one that knew why was Jack, and although the man was curious, he’d never go as far as to expose Gabriel just to see what was going on under his clothes.

　 　 But now they were so close, Jack’s hands hovered at Gabriel’s hips, thumbs dipping just under the hem of his shirt. He turned his head away.

　 　 “ S-Sorry, I shouldn’t have… ”

　 　 “ No, it’s okay. ”

　 　 Jack had tried to pull his hands away, but the man stopped him, hands wrapped firmly around his wrists. It was instinct for him to hold another by the wrist, but as soon as he felt just how hard he was holding them, he let go.

　 　 “ You don’t have to, if you don’t want to. I just thought, y’know since we were… ”

　 　 They had just gotten out of a lip-lock, and judging by both of their body language, they intended to go further. The fact that he’d have to dress down escaped Gabriel, and now that it was upon him he was really rather frightened.

　 　 He had scars along his chest, and not the kind that looked sexy. They looked awful, and felt awful, and he hated them. He’d had nightmares about this day, where he’d take off his shirt for his boyfriend and the only thing that he’d see in Jack’s face was disgust.

　 　 But Jack knew what Gabriel’s background was, he knew that the surgery left scars, no matter how good the recovery was. ( Modern medicine was good, but not _that_ good. ) And Gabriel had more than just the physical kind of scars; That much was obvious. Jack was there when he was forced into a mandatory physical screening, thankfully with patient-doctor confidentiality for that sort of thing, but the underlying fear was still very present.

　 　 He’d let go of Jack’s wrists, but his fingers hovered hesitantly. He’d tried to hard to mentally prepare himself for this moment, but be damned if he wasn’t still utterly terrified.

　 　 “ It’s fine, I’m just… ”

　 　 Honey in his throat, he had to force words out. He felt sick and his hands were trembling, but in his mind he wanted so badly to proceed. As a soldier he was trained to act on instinct and without hesitation, and yet here he was… _hesitating_.

　 　 “ Look, we don’t have to if you don’t want to. ”

　 　 Though there was certainly none of it in Jack’s voice, all Gabriel could think was that he was getting impatient. His eyes closed hard and he felt tears sting at the corners.

　 　 Before he could react, he felt soft lips placed on his own, arms wrapping around his waist. Gabriel jumped anxiously at the contact, but as always, his body slowly eased into the other, cool form melting into the warm embrace. The kiss was short, followed by a small nuzzle of his cheek, one that never failed to make him smile.

　 　 Jack settled back, bringing a hand up to the other’s face, stroking along the length of his jaw gently.

　 　 “ I love you, okay? ”

　 　 Those tiny words brought a pained smile to Gabriel’s lips, tears rolling down his cheeks. Come to think of it, he’d never cried in front of Jack before, either.

　 　 “ I love you too. ”

　 　 It took him a moment to calm himself, leaning into the other’s touch. His chest heaved with nervous breaths, eyes closed, and for a few minutes he let himself focus on his breathing. They’d learned about this sort of coping a long time ago, how to calm oneself in a particularly stressful situation just by focusing on breathing. Inhale for several seconds, exhale for longer. They’d learned about it for combat purposes, but Gabriel was finding that his training was rather useful in many aspects of his life.

　 　 Jack had started to back off, drawing his hands back, but he stopped when he saw Gabriel reach for his hand again, this time placing it on his chest.

　 　 “ Here, just… You can feel them under my shirt, kind of… ”

　 　 His words were still shaking, but he was _trying_.

　 　 Jack smiled, letting his fingers trace along Gabriel’s clothed chest. He didn’t want to press too hard, but it was otherwise difficult to feel something like this, even through the thin fabric of his undershirt.

　 　 Gabriel quickly became frustrated, not because this was uncomfortable, but he could tell the other couldn’t actually feel anything, and that he was just pretending like he could. But… That was a step in the right direction, because here Jack was smiling and touching him, and Gabriel could feel it, and his heart wasn’t pounding as goddamn _loud_ as he thought it would have been.

　 　 No, he was _calm_.

　 　 He reached down and batted Jack’s hand out of the way, and in a moment of sheer bravery, fetched the hem of his shirt and tugged it up in one quick motion. As soon as the cool air swept along his damp skin, he felt the need to cover it again with his hand.

　 　 And Jack didn’t dare move, for fear he’d set something off. His eyes remained affixed on Gabriel’s, blinking quick.

　 　 “ Here, look. ”

　 　 A heavy shade of blush had settled along Gabriel’s cheeks, and now his heart was pounding… But not because he was exposed. Instead, he felt rather silly about how he was going about all of this.

　 　 “ I see them. ” Jack said simply, his grin widening. “ They look fine. ”

　 　 Gabriel could tell he was being sincere, only because he knew exactly how Jack liked to sugarcoat things. He’d hesitate and plaster a white lie about how something looked good, scratch the back of his head and try to play it cool, because he didn’t want to offend anyone. But now he wasn’t scratching his neck, nor hesitating. He was direct, the words slipped right out of his mouth just the same way he said ' I love you '.

　 　 “ You can… touch them if you’d like. ”

　 　 Jack was hesitant, eyes moving down to the scars once more. Along Gabriel’s tan skin they stood out rather strikingly in pink, lining the underside of both pectorals like a bad coat of paint. Touching the area, the skin was actually rather soft.

　 　 Just then, Gabriel felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Those careful fingers moved along the underside of the scars, and then Jack’s palm met with his skin, smoothing along it in an attempt to soothe any remaining worries.

　 　 And then his hand moved up again, cupped Gabriel’s cheek.

　 　 “ Thank you for showing me. **I’m so proud of you**. ”

 

* * *

 

 

　 　 But now, as the Reaper beheld himself in the broken mirror, his heart held nothing but remorse. Those words– all of Jack’s words– echoed through his mind, and in every corner they struck a new nerve. Pain twisted despair into anger; Like clay, his volatile emotions morphed disgusting shapes for his mind to process.

_“ These will heal one day, don’t worry. ”_

　 　 But now, they _wouldn’t_. Every scar left along his body from before his death was now a permanent part of himself. The new wounds he’d sustain were gone in mere hours, but the reminders of his past were here to stay– both the ones on the inside, and out.

　 　 He wasn’t sure which were more painful.


End file.
